Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend

Illuminate

Having great female friendship is something that we as girls and women yearn for yet its something that can turn us beauties into the most ugly human beings.

I mean- we’ve all had the friendship that you’ve given all trust to and somehow or another it goes sour. Why? What underlying motives do we as women carry with us that can rip apart the foundation of a life long friendship in 2.5 seconds flat? I bet if we asked some men – we’d get some really great and humorous responses.

Let me make a list of few reasons:

1. Insecurities. They say that comparison is the thief of joy. Man! When I let my eyes and my heart wander and wish and compare what she has that I don’t have or what I have that she doesn’t. It never ceases to disappoint. In fact- the insecurities of a woman…

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A little over a week ago I had a very vivid dream.

I had gone out to run few errands and as I was returning home and pulled into my driveway, I realized that I had left the garage door open. There I sat in my SUV and I immediately knew that someone had ‘broken in’ or rather, with leaving the garage door open, I had kind of LET them in. They had taken the ‘good’ stuff of course, the tv’s, the blue ray player, the few pieces of jewelry that I had of value. There stood my home with the 2 car garage door gaping wide open, just literally inviting whomever to come in and take what they please. And another strange observation- on the outside of my home, one of the stone and brick pillars looked warped. It was like it had been twisted up and pulled out away from the house.

When I woke up from the dream, this verse immediately came to me. ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for it determines the course of your life.’ And then I recalled this memory:

I was about 17 years old when I read this exact scripture for the first time. I remember asking God, ‘HOW do I guard my heart?’
 
It was then that I felt God gave me a vision about a house. It was a house I lived in, but the home was my heart. I pictured myself looking out the window. And I could see different men/boys walking by on the sidewalk as of each were a prospective boyfriend. In the past I had always chosen whom I would date. I had the control of opening the door, inviting him in and making him comfortable. And each room in the home symbolized a more shallow or deeper part of my soul. Like the foyer- obviously you keep aquintances here. The kitchen and living room- well that’s where some great memories are made and your bedroom- that is left sacred for only a special few people.

Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART, for it determines the course of your life.  Proverbs 4:23

But I mean, as the guardian of my heart, how do I know who to allow in?  Whom to keep out?  And to know which ones are allowed in the kitchen and others to be kept at the foyer.

As I searched for a way to figure this out and surveyed my own strength and wisdom to do this; I realized that I would fall short. I am inadequate. No wonder that before 17 I had already realized heartache and brokenness from people I allowed in. And after they had been a part of my heart and I sent them back out the door- they took something with them. Something valuable. No one left my heart without taking something of worth. And I freely let them take it. Garage door wide open.

In my dream just recently; it was I who left the garage door open. It was like an open invitation to come in and take what you want. And really? No one is gonna leave with my garbage or my dirty laundry or the leftovers in the fridge. Nope, they take the good stuff. And I’m the one left with the garbage, the dirty laundry and the leftovers. When you don’t guard yourself, you set no boundaries. And your pillars, the strongest parts of you, just like in my dream, end up looking warped.

At 17, when I realized that my skills of guarding myself left me waning, I turned to God and asked Him to help. When I did; it was like He said, ‘I thought you’d never ask.’ I mean, He created me and my inner most being, who else is there to do a better job? Yet, giving Him that trust and control was more than I had ever given Him before. For years, I had thought I was doing a great job. My pride of ‘knowing myself better than anyone else’ had left my heart in shambles. Each room messy. Places on the carpet where I tried to hide the stains. Dirty dishes in the kitchen. Laundry needing to be cleaned. Leftovers that I didn’t want to eat. At this rate, the course of my life couldn’t end up anywhere too good. 

So I told Him, ‘Here, take the keys. This house is yours. I quit standing guard. You decide who gets let in. I don’t want to be in charge of that anymore. I can’t even trust myself, so I’m trusting You.’

I realized the guarding of my heart didn’t mean building up walls to protect myself, it meant (if you will) putting in a security system.  A guard. He will secure your borders. He is my standing guard.  He chases away those who only want to destroy. He keeps away those who would distract or derail His divine plan for my life. And He makes the way plain for those whom He allows to enter. 

In Exodus 23, God tells Israelites that He will go before them and guard their people and their land. For multiple chapters God continues to make promise after promise of how He will take care of them and He says this:

 “I will make your borders secure from the Red Sea to the Mediterranean Sea. They will go from the desert to the Euphrates River. I will hand over to you the people who live in the land. You will drive them out to make room for you.” Exodus 23:31

He tells them He will secure. He will help you drive out those who think they own part of your heart and yet it does not belong to them. Drive out those whom you’ve let determine the course of your life. He will drive out those who are still out there walking around with part of your heart.  And He will make room for Himself and room for you. When we ABOVE ALL ELSE, guard our heart, make Him the guardian, let Him secure our borders, it will determine and CHANGE the course of our life. 

And what a better course that will be. Your home will flourish. Your relationships will be rich. Your emotions in tact. Your valuable possessions protected. Your borders secured. You are headed for greatness girl. A life of promises fulfilled. And yes, there will be bumps along the way, the struggle is real, right? But whom better to hold the keys? The One who promises to do more than we could ask, think, dream or imagine.

So don’t leave your garage door wide open. Don’t let people come in as the please and take what is valuable. Don’t allow them to walk away taking part of your heart with them. Instead, allow God to STAND GUARD. Ask Him and I’m sure He’ll reply, ‘I thought you’d never ask.’

#7 Be A First: Top Ten Ways to Influence a Teen Girl

There is just something about the FIRST time. (and I’m referring to the first time for anything, not just what you may be thinking 😉)

Remember the first day of high school? Remember the first time you drove a car? Remember the first time you had a cup of coffee? Your first ice cream cone? The first time you spent your own money at the mall? The first time you watched a scary movie? Your first kiss? The first time you had sushi?

Most of those memories are probably filled with feelings of anxiousness, excitement, some fear and a whole lotta boldness.

I just recently took a short cruise to the Bahamas with my husband and oldest son. We had a great time. This wasn’t my first cruise, but the Captain on my ship was the first female captain for a major cruise line. Ever.

“I hope my achievements can serve as an example to young women around the world and inspire them to work toward their dreams – no matter how unusual they may be,” said Captain Karin Stahre-Janson brightly.

I love a woman who does something that no woman has dared to do before. A woman who isn’t afraid to pursue something just because a woman has never done it.

There was a woman in the Bible who wasn’t afraid to be a FIRST. She is the first and only female judge mentioned in the Bible. Her name was Deborah and she was a prophet, counselor, warrior, judge and wife.

As a prophet, she told Israel’s commander that God wants them to fight against Canaan. The commander told her that he was afraid and wanted her to go with him. When she was asked to lead this attack with Israel’s army against the Canaan military; she said,

“Of course I’ll go with you. But understand that with an attitude like that, there’ll be no glory in it for you. God will use a woman’s hand to take care of Sisera.” Deborah got ready and went into battle. Judges 4:9,10

Deborah seems to have the confidence we’d all like to attain. She speaks to a powerful man telling him what God has said to do. She must have spoken these commands from God so powerfully that the commander of Israel felt insecure to go battle without her. God used Deborah as a prophet and warrior and she succeeded. More power to ya, sister!

So many women have gone before us to go FIRST. Whether it be a woman in the Bible or a modern day first female ship captain. They chose to throw off the preconceptions of man and take ahold of the vision God had given them.

What have you done that’s a FIRST? What do you want to inspire other women to do FIRST?

I’m the first woman to have married in my family and both my spouse and I be believers. I am the first woman in my family to have a special needs child. I am the first woman in my family to start a non-profit business. I am beginning to realize that life doesn’t actually start till you get outside of your comfort zone. Pushing away from the norm and making yourself do something for the FIRST time is when life truly begins.

I love how Mark Twain puts it:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore.
Dream.
Discover.”

Did you hear that? Throw the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Or how about this? Punch fear in the face. Be bold. Dreams realized aren’t for the faint of heart. Nothing can change unless you try something for the FIRST time.

I am thankful though that I am not doing these FIRST things alone. God,
My Savior accompanies me along the way. He leads and guides my way. Especially when I have no idea how to get there.

His guidance and His word are a lamp into our feet and a light into our path. Psalms 119:105

Let me tell you, when I have been given a dream and have no idea how to see it through; it feels like you’re closing your eyes and holding on for the ride. Some days are like a roller coaster. Other days, it’s like you’re at a dead end. And all the days in between- you take the small piece of something you have to work with and well, you work it. I can do all that I know how, but in the end, it comes down to trusting in Jesus.

Hillsongs Oceans lyrics say it like this:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Why do we hold on so tightly to things we ‘know’? What only our eyes can see? If we know Jesus and believe that He loves like He says He does and He is who He says He is; then He is all I need to hold onto. Trust with abandonment. Let go of all else you know to be a security and go in head deep. What He has called for you to do will require this kind of trust. When you are doing something for the first time- you don’t have to ‘wing it’, you hold onto Him.

So my sister, what will you be FIRST in? Graduating college? Maybe it’s high school. First woman in your family to have a marriage that lasts? First woman to record your own album? First woman to adopt? First woman to lead the military? First woman to speak in front of thousands of people? First woman to represent our country as president?

I have no idea what your ‘FIRST‘ will be, but you have to do it. Don’t look back on your life and regret it. Don’t just wish. Have vision. Inspire her. Let her know that you won’t be satisfied with the norm. You’re not just content to stay the same, to go about life the way everyone else did before you. Be gutsy. Be a FIRST.

A word to teen girls:
Young woman, right now you are experiencing a lot of firsts. First term paper. First car. First boyfriend. First high school football game. First dance. First phone. First real fight. First friend’s betrayal. First breakup. First heartache. First rejection. First major failure.

One thing I can say is ‘Take it one day at a time.’ Don’t be rushing to get to the next ‘first’. There is plenty of time for all the ‘adult’ firsts. Enjoy and be grateful for where you are in life RIGHT NOW.

God has said:

There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal, A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh, A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate, A right time to wage war and another to make peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Enjoy the FIRSTS that today brings.

Top Ten Ways to Influence a Teen Girl: #6 It’s the Best of Both Worlds: Purity

There’s something to be said about dignity and purity. It is to be prized, not something to feel ashamed of. Becoming a woman doesn’t require purity to be lost and sexuality to be exalted.

How can we show our girls that you can be gorgeous, wanted and pure?

Well, it’s in the best of both worlds…
and after watching a performance by the former ‘Hannah Montana’ on this year’s MTV’s VMA’s- my thoughts are shaken and my heart is stirred.

Purity is like a light shining on a hilltop. Your purity will be no secret. Everyone will know.

“Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Matt.5:14-16

When people see it, they wish for it, honor it, it is highly esteemed. Selling out for a moment’s pleasure, a popular vote, a fleeting glamorous image, or for that feeling of what’s it like to jump over the edge- well, then you’ve lost it. Never to get it back again. Purity isn’t something you can just go back to.

When you become a woman- there isn’t a rite of passage to give your dignity away. It isn’t for the whole world to see and be put on display. What happened to when becoming a woman meant maturity, diginity, class, respect, and beauty? You can share your passions about life without having to expose more than necessary.

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace.
2 Tim. 2:22

God has made you perfect and He also made a perfect way for you give yourself away. To one man, after you have your wedding day. Doesn’t that sound perfect? Where you’re sexy in all the right ways and for only the right person. The place where your purity is kept and the place where God can dwell.

People will do nearly anything to take that away from you. And maybe for some of you, someone has. My heart aches for you. I will not try and tell you that I can understand. Cause I could try, but I have never been in that place. My hope for you is that you experience a peace that goes beyond your understanding and that you experience a wholeness that only Jesus can give.

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he PERSONALLY rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years. Isaiah 63:9

I am completely aware that living out that kind of purity is next to impossible. It probably seems culturally irrelevant. The normal person wouldn’t even try to aim for that. But last time I looked, isn’t anything that is of value worth working for? Keeping your purity is. It won’t be easy. In fact, before you get married (and even after your married) there will always be a fight for your purity.

I know that keeping pure seems boring, unadventurous, and that you won’t have as many juicy stories to tell. But you will have your dignity, the respect of others, your class. You will have a beauty that is undeniable. Because being pure is beauty in its truest form.

If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work. 2 Tim. 2:21

So have the best of both worlds, your purity AND the eyes of the world will be watching how you rock it. You are a city on a hill whose light cannot be hidden!

A word to teen girls:

My gorgeous girls, inside and out. There is something so very perfect about the way God created you. Something that is so very pure, sacred. Holy. You were created in His image. You were also created with a choice to make. How you would treat your purity? What you would do with it? He created you with your head already held high; created with your gaze fixed, your heart ready and your soul secure- all with your purity intact.

What audience is greater than God himself? Who’s attention do you seek? A boyfriend? Your classmates? What will you do to grab that attention? Will it be something less than the purity you were created in? Seek the approval of One and accept the love of One.

For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. Philippians 1:10

Top Ten Ways to Influence a Teen Girl: #5 The Hand I Was Dealt

They say comparison is the thief of joy. And security. And peace. And makes me begin to strive to become something I’m not.

I grew up in a single parent home surrounded by lots of Christian families that weren’t from single parent homes. I was the latch key kid surrounded by friends whose moms picked them up from school.

I am a pastors wife surrounded by lots of women whom are not. I am a mother of an autistic child surrounded by lots of moms with ‘normally developing’ children.

I learned at a very young age at how ‘different’ I felt from others, different from the ‘American’ dream. The norm. And I wished and compared myself to what life would be like if I had 2 parents, if my mom didn’t work, if I didn’t have the spiritual responsibility of a pastors wife and if I did have typical normal children. Maybe I would understand men better, or how to be a wife better. Maybe I would have closer friends cause women wouldn’t be afraid to share with me or maybe my kids could have more play dates and friends without fear of my child hurting something.

Life seems like it would be easier?? Like I wouldn’t have to prove to myself and to the world that I have what it takes to be enough or what it takes to live life with ease. With grace.

As I write this you can tell its still a struggle. And as I write this, I know that you have things about your life that you wish were different too.

The hand I was dealt. How do we play our hand? As a victim? Life painted with excuses and set-backs? A life lived with entitlement because your family has been able to ‘give’ you almost everything? Or a life of entitlement cause you grew up with nothing and you seek pity and handouts along the way?

Our history. Our home story. If we let it, it can evade into everything we do and it penetrates our spirits and attitudes. The hand we were dealt can be one of life’s hardest things to overcome.

I love how Jesus comes out strong when He said this…

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Not to sound cliché, but we can be a victim or a victor! Living as a victim has been something that I refuse to allow to label me and my life.

I will draw a ‘line in the sand‘ and cross over it to say I choose freedom. I choose victory. I choose to take heart and choose Jesus cause He has overcome the world. He has overcome my circumstances. My situation. He is greater than my past. He has more than what my single mom could give me and even more than what my wealthy parents could give me. He sees my past and even better, He knows my future. I rest in His promise; that He has overcome the world. My victim mentality cannot coincide with His dream for me.

When I wish to be like those I compare my life to; I am wishing for my picture of perfect, instead of seeking His.

Where do you keep making excuses? What part of your life do you allow to keep you from believing in our Overcomer, Jesus? Where does your victim mentality come into play? Do you feel entitled to things? When can we realize that our past is part of our story but it does not define our future?

My mom never thought she would be raising girls on her own, yet, my sister and I are the things in life she is most proud of. I never thought I would be a young girl walking to an empty house until my mom came home from work or that I wouldn’t have a relationship with my dad, yet, it has made me fiercely loyal to my marriage and children. I didn’t realize that being a pastor’s wife brought such spiritual responsibility, yet, I am honored to speak on behalf of Christ. I didn’t think I would ever have a special needs child, yet, my heart has never sensed such deep love and commitment to a child and an entire generation of special needs kids.

So lets stop comparing. Lets stop being the victim. Lets quit make excuses and lame reasons for why we are the way we are. We have a Savior who has come! He says, ‘Take heart my daughter! For I have overcome the world!’

So take back your joy. Take back your security. Take back you peace. And take flight.

A word to teen girls:
Life will be always full of people whom have more than you and less than you. Don’t let the insecurity of what you don’t have keep you from being the woman you are. Don’t let the entitlement of what you do have keep you from showing the love you are to give. Don’t compare your looks to hers and your things to hers and your family to hers. She’s doing the same thing on the inside too. So don’t let it eat away at the both of you, instead do help one another in both your words and actions. Tell your girlfriend the things you admire about her and her life; I’m guessing she’ll have have pretty great things to say about yours too.❤

Top Ten Ways to Influence a Teen Girl: #4 Breathing Masks and Dress Shopping

Earlier this month, I had the privilege of speaking a teen girls event in Illinois. Being from Texas, that required a plane ride and required listening to the flight safety regulations. I’m sure most of us have heard these ‘rules’. Fasten your seat belt. Turn your cell phone and all electronic devices off. No smoking in the lavatories, etc.’

The one rule that always stands out to me though is this one:

‘In the event of a decompression, a breathing mask will automatically appear in front of you. To start the flow of oxygen, pull the mask towards you. Place it firmly over your nose and mouth, secure the elastic band behind your head, and breathe normally. Although the bag does not inflate, oxygen is flowing to the mask. If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.’

The line that always get me is: ‘If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.’

Immediately, you think, ‘No, I must help the child first, that’s what selfless adult would do for a child.’ But logic tells us that in order to actually help save the child we must first be connected to the supply of oxygen and then we will have the means to help someone else. Without you connected first; both you and the child may not survive.

Do you already see where I’m going here?

Have you ever had to find a dress for a special occasion? A dance, a wedding, a graduation? So you go shopping. The special occasion is coming up soon and you still can’t find anything. So it’s a full out man hunt. Nothing else is taking precedence over finding the perfect dress. It’s store after store. It’s colors, sizes, price tags and style. You seek out the perfect dress and when you finally find it – You. Can. Breathe.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

Can you imagine the true urgency of that moment when you would need the breathing mask on a airplane? Things are flying all around you, people are so very afraid, the bumpiness of the ride, don’t even look out the windows and no one can breathe. Then the breathing masks come out. You quickly do your best to secure yours on your face and you look at the younger one next to you, watching you. And you move fast to get it on them too. You both can breathe. Now you can make it.

We live in a world where things really are flying all around us, people are acting very afraid, and don’t you dare even look out life’s window cause the ride is bumpy and no one can seem to truly breathe. And the younger ones are watching YOU.

Do they see the passivity or the passion in your pursuit after Christ? Do you seek Him out like you seek out the perfect dress – where nothing else matters till you find it. Do you seek Him like nothing in this world will satisfy but Him? Do those watching you know that your relationship with Jesus is more than a Sunday service or a midweek get together? Do they hear and see the passion in your voice when you talk about Him? Do they know just how much you love Him and desperate for time with Him cause life isn’t easy and He is one who helps you breathe.

The Message version says the verse this way:

“When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” Jeremiah 29:13

So many times when I seek Him half heartedly, well, I leave half hearted.

Like when I try to keep my seatbelt unfastened. (Live the world’s adventure)

Like when I want to keep my cell phone and all electronic devices on. (Stay unfocused and distracted)

Or when I want to smoke in the lavatory (obviously, this is just an expression- I’m not a smoker 😉).

But seriously, when I leave the hard part, the seeking part up to someone else- it’s never the same as putting on the breathing mask for myself. Yet when I look for Him and seek Him out while He may be found- I am NEVER disappointed. And the whole time, SHE is watching.

Show her how to breathe. Teach her how to seek. How to search for Him and want Him more than anything else. And to not live life disappointed. And while the world is desperate for some air- it’s our job to help her secure her breathing mask. Then tell her, ‘Take a deep breath.’

A word to teen girls:
Life is full of stuff. Pretty stuff. Expensive stuff. Intriguing stuff. Tempting stuff. Stuff that makes you want to have it, try it and eventually, well, quite honestly, all that stuff comes up short. It disappoints. It’s a bummer cause at first, second and third glance- this stuff looks pretty impressive. Like it’ll do the trick. Like you’ll be happy when you have it. And you will be happy, for a moment. Then the moment fades and you need more stuff. But seeking stuff never ends, it never stops, it never is enough. Yet seeking a relationship with Jesus and having a relationship with Jesus does. He brings happiness that lasts. Joy that satisfies. Love that is fulfilling. Peace that settles your heart. He is more than stuff. He is more than enough.

It’s What I’m Made for…

www.insideoutgirls.com

Something that I have the privilege of being a part of for the last 3 years is a 2 day conference called InsideOut Girls. The conference is geared towards teen girls with a focus on inspiring and motivating them to know that the beauty inside is far more valuable than anything on the outside.

My friend, Julie Eastman, owner of Extraordinary Events and Design, and I connected about 4 years ago and realized that we shared the same passion for teen girls and helping them recognize the true beauty that God created within them.

We knew that a simple, creative, fun event where any girl ages 12-18 could attend and feel like they belong, could be themselves, build friendships, and get a true sense of God’s deep love for them had the capacity to be life changing. From that idea, InsideOut Girls was born.

We have had nearly 200 girls attend every year and have seen such amazing results. InsideOut Girls was privileged enough to be a place where over 40 teen girls in foster care were able to attend our events; I’m sure you can just imagine the kind of impact InsideOut Girls was able to make on their lives.

Click here and you can watch our InsideOut Girls One Voice2014 promo video

InsideOut Girls has also partnered with a charity every year for the girls to have an opportunity to give away what they’ve been given at InsideOut Girls. We’ve partnered with Shoes for Orphan Souls, SafeHaven of Tarrant County, Traffick911, and Beautiful Dream Society.

Each time the girls have been able to donate items, write encouraging notes, volunteer with and half of their conference registration cost goes to the charity, benefiting its cause.

InsideOut Girls is such a part of who I am.

Every young girl is bombarded with images, words, and given a strong impression from such a young age that they must change themselves to truly be important and valuable to this world.

Julie and I and the women behind InsideOut Girls have a different thought about these young girls. They are:

II Cor. 5:17 She is a new Creation in Christ.

Ephesians 1:7 She is forgiven and her sins are washed away.

Romans 8:37 She is more than a conqueror through Christ.

Ephesians 2:10 She is God’s masterpiece.

Mathew 5:14 She is the light of the world.

Romans 8:11 She is filled with the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead.

Romans 8:17 She is a joint heir with Christ. She inherits what Christ inherits.

2 Cor. 5:20 She is Christ’s ambassador. What is an ambassador? The highest ranking representative from one country to another – she is one from heaven to earth.

2 Cor. 5:21 She is the righteousness of God.

Romans 1:7 She is greatly loved by God.

Just last weekend InsideOut Girls was able to do their first night ‘on the road’ in Illinois! The evening was amazing with over 100 girls in attendance and 9 girls surrendering their lives to Christ! If you would like to have InsideOut Girls host an event in your community please let us know!! It would be an honor to let the young girls in your life know just how amazing God thinks they are!!

InsideOut Girls speaks a message that is counter culture to the world and I get to see young girls lives be transformed through that message. If you are interested in learning more about InsideOut Girls, check us out:

www.facebook.com/insideoutgirls

Email: melissa@insideoutinc.org

www.twitter.com/insideoutgirls

InsideOut, Inspiring, Teen Girls, Women Mentors

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Top Ten Ways to Influence a Teen Girl: #3 Small Matches, Big Torches

Let me start #3 with this:

Mentorship has always been a value of mine. I realized at a very young age that I could invest into many different things in life but people is where you see the greatest return. I’ve been mentoring teen girls for over 17 years, but about 2 years in; I learned a valuable mentorship lesson. One thing I noticed about the life of Jesus was that he had his 12 disciples, but then there were 3. Three that he truly invested his time and heart into. Peter, James, and John... I sensed that God was showing me that I could spend time with lots of young teen girls, but who were the ones that I would really pull in close and share my life with? I asked God to highlight a few girls with whom I knew my time would have the greatest impact. I wanted it to be time well spent and to be with those who they themselves had influence. Bonnie was one of those girls.

I had the privilege of being a youth leader at the church she attended. I was assigned to help lead a small group that she was in and I committed to leading that group for 4 years. Bonnie and I immediately hit it off. She was funny. Really funny. We had some really great conversations as she went thru her teen years. We shared laughter, and some tears. There was something about her that always told me; ‘there’s more inside of her, God’s hand is on this one.’

She and I began to have a weekly breakfast appointment and we would share about family, boys, future goals and I would ask her some tough questions and, honestly, she didn’t hold any punches either. I watched Bonnie develop from being a young, silly, happy-go-lucky girl into a mature leader ready to go, ready to invest her life into others the way I had for her.

Bonnie graduated high school, was enrolled into a local community college that next fall. My job of being her youth leader was officially ‘done’. But before the summer was over and college was about to start, she was looking for a way to give me a gift to say thanks for the last four years. And a pretty smelling candle just wasn’t going to cut it.

(Ok- get ready for this.)

One evening at our local church, Bonnie was having her alone time with God. While she was there, some song lyrics came to her, so she wrote them down. God had given her a song to thank me- except she didn’t even play one single instrument or had never written a song. And quite honestly, I had never heard her express much interest in music or had ever heard her sing. So she had a friend help her put notes to it and play the piano behind her vocals. Bonnie’s original plan was to sing it to me in private, but through some changing of circumstances she was given the opportunity to sing it at our youth service that Wednesday night- in front of over 400 kids. Mind you, she had NEVER sang in public before, let alone a song that she had personally written.

After that night, the rest is history.
Through her prayer times within the next six months, God taught her to play piano and she was flooded with worship songs that just kept coming out of her. She had found her God calling.

Since then she has led worship in some amazing churches and just recently released a worship album in partnership with her husband. Let me tell you, it is powerful.

You can hear it on iTunes here:
Lift You Up by Matt and Bonnie Greene

I find myself singing these worship songs in the car, when I’m in the bathroom getting ready and now my kids are starting to sing them too. I love that this young girl that I invested into for 4 years in high school is now a grown woman ministering to me and my family over 10 years later.

God was equipping and preparing Bonnie throughout those years to give her a platform. Now her words of love written to Jesus influence and motivate me and others to love Him more. Her songs take me to His presence. What I helped do for her as a teen she now does for me as an adult. Her act of gratitude back towards me took Bonnie on a God journey that she NEVER expected. Me neither.

You see, mentorship isn’t about us trying to mold people into looking like us. Mentorship is about being available to a few girls that you see potential in. God never filled me in on what He would do through Bonnie (or any other young girls for that matter) in the years to come. What He did fill me in on was the opportunity to invest in them.

So can I say something else about mentorship?

Never underestimate the small beginning, the small moments, the simple times when it seems mundane and that God isn’t producing big miracles right away.

I spent four years of weekly breakfast at the Waffle Shop, Monday night small group Bible study, Wednesday night youth. In those 4 years I don’t recall some big turn around moment or crazy God experience in Bonnie’s life. But it was the constant sense that she had more. It was the belief that I was to play a role in helping her find her niche, her God calling. So many times we want to mentor to become someone’s savior. That they have some horrible life situation and we need to save them from it. But God isn’t calling you to save them, that’s His job. He’s called us to disciple. To invest in a life so that God has the OPPORTUNITY to reveal His plans to them.

One of my favorite quotes is this:

GOD OFTEN USES SMALL MATCHES TO LIGHT GREAT TORCHES.

So those early morning breakfasts?
Small match.
Those Monday nights at Bible study?
Small match.
Those Wednesday youth nights?
Small match.
Those late night talks?
Small match.
Those prayers invested into her life?
Small match.
Those hand written encouraging notes?
Small match.
The money spent on pizza and candy?
Small match.
The weekends away for youth retreats?
Small match.

The Return?
A great torch of a young woman burning for God and His light shining through.

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Galatians 6:9

A Word to Teen Girls:
I realize that you are in a place in life that is supposed to be full of fun, laughter and making memories! YOLO, right? So do that! Can I help you think about that a little differently? God says ‘you only live once’- do it right. Put the time into things that shows great return. A detail I didn’t share about Bonnie’s story was that in that six months when she was learning piano and God was teaching her- it didn’t just happen over night. She spent HOURS practicing and God leading her through different notes and giving her songs. (Think of a video montage here: playing piano, writing lyrics, hours of practice, not hanging out with friends to play, more piano playing) But after that little bit of time- God showed her the purpose and plan that He had marked out for her. I don’t know the plans God has for you, but He does. I don’t know what God is calling you to do, but He does. I don’t know what miracles He wants to perform through you, but He does. So, um, YOLO. Live it for Jesus.

Top Ten Ways to Influence a Teen Girl #2: ‘Three Blondes in a Row’

When growing up as a child and throughout my teen years, church was something my mom always made a priority. We ALWAYS made time for it. We were rarely too ‘sick’ to go. Sports and activities were never more important. Being too tired was never an excuse. And when I was growing up, dressing up for Jesus was mandatory.

If you haven’t ever seen a picture of my family; you need to know that we are all blondes. And not just kinda blonde or a dirty blonde, but a bright light blonde. So if you were standing in the back of church and were trying to find us; all you had to look for was ‘3 blondes in a row’.

From left to right: myself, my mom and my sister.

This past weekend when I attended church a couple rows in front of me were ‘3 blondes in a row’. A mom in the middle and a daughter on each side of her. Seeing them together brought back such a sentimental memory and reminded me of what people would see when they saw my mom and sister and I at church. And at that time in my life, ‘3 blondes in a row’ – it’s where I belonged.

That sight is a mental picture for me that represented consistency. Being consistent is so vital in anything you want to succeed in. Whether that be a hobby you love, a job you want to keep and excel in, a relationship you want to flourish. You can’t choose it one week and then let it go the next.

One girl’s life that I had the privilege of playing a role in needed just that. Consistency. When I met her, her parents were just in the final stages of separation and eventually divorce. There was so much ‘flip-flop’ happening in her life and all that she knew to be secure and consistent was being turned around and upside down. Who to trust in, who to turn to and deciding who will be there for her in the long run were new choices that she had to make. All at the ripe age of 15.

Well- right from the beginning this girl, Claire, stole my heart. She was funny, outgoing, sweet and thoughtful. And yet, completely in the midst of a total life storm, she needed some consistency. My husband and I were newlyweds and I had just moved away from home and life was all brand new to me too. I needed some consistency myself. The one thing that I could do was invest into a life.

She and I had something else in common as well. We attended the same church and when I couldn’t find her right away I would look for the ‘3 brunettes in a row’. Cause after a while, after her parents had parted ways; she, her sister and her mom were ‘3 brunettes in a row’ at church. Consistently. It’s where she belonged.

Throughout the next few years I consistently spent time with Claire- shopping, watching movies, having meaningful conversations, writing her encouraging notes, pushing her to go deeper in her relationship with God, and watching her fully surrender her life to Him.

But I would have never been able to have this level of relationship with her had I not consistently spent time in prayer for her, had I not consistenly pursued a relationship with her. My friendship and mentorship relationship with her gave her a place to belong. With God and at church.

You go to school and you have your ‘school friends’. You go to dance class or sports practice and you have your group of friends there. You belong. You have a place. Many teen girls find that belonging in a romantic relationship or in some talent they are good at. Yet, in the midst of all that, they don’t have a ‘belonging’ at church or a true sense of identity in that type of environment. And a young girl WILL find someplace to belong. Let’s help her land in the arms of Jesus.

During the teen years, at such a pivotal point in their lives, a place to belong is VITAL. And we need to be consistent. Consistent in our attendance at church and at giving them a place to belong there. Invest in them, invite them. Continue to ask the tough questions. Continue to laugh together. Encourage them to know that with you and God they have a spot. A place.

You are their vision of what it looks like to be a strong Christian woman in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, and beyond.

My mom used to always tell me this: ‘There is nothing that between you, me, and God that we can’t handle.’ We can’t go all ‘loosey-goosey’ on them and let go. So no matter how hard they push back, no matter how many times they try and hurt your feelings, no matter how many times they tell you ‘I don’t need you’, THEY DO. When they grow up and the world moves on without them, you will be one of the few who remained consistent. A consistent picture of woman who loves Jesus, made Him a priority and a woman who reminded them that He loves them too.

So what does your ‘3 blondes in a row’ look like? Stop for a minute. Picture it. What teen girls’ life are you consistently investing in that when people come to church and want to find you they know to look for ‘2’ or ‘3’ blondes, brunettes or gingers in a row. Be consistent and be that place where they belong.

A word to teen girls:
You know all those celebrities and models you look up to and how they seem to be just perfect? Well the everyday women in your life won’t be. They will be real. They will have very un-glamorous moments. They will make mistakes. You will watch them fall and then pick themselves back up again. You will watch them pray when they don’t feel like it. You will see them get up in the morning and do the right thing when others are doing the wrong thing. And when they’re photographed their pictures won’t be photoshopped before being printed. And the words they speak won’t be edited before getting published. They will be authentic. They will be genuine. And they realize that you won’t be photoshopped or edited either and still love you all the same. And they will passionately pursue Christ in your honor. They will work hard to be a vision of God’s character and His word. They will give you grace when you need it most. They will give you the confidence you need when you are most insecure. They will point you in the right direction when you don’t know where to go. They aren’t perfect, but they’re real. So love them back and give them the credit they deserve.

Top Ten Ways to Influence a Teen Girl: #1 Bikinis and Crowns

Girls, can we talk?

Last night I went up to a local restaurant to get some carry-out food for my husband and I. So while I am waiting on the food, I’m watching what they are playing on the restaurant tv’s. A couple of them have on the baseball game, another a sport commentary show and the other tv is showing the crowning ceremony of some Miss International Pageant. Obviously- I’m gonna watch that. So I see this gorgeous young woman saying, ‘Oh my! I can’t believe it!’ Of course the tv is silent and I’m reading subtitles. Then after they pinned this massive crown on her head, the camera pans out and I’m wondering, ‘Oh! What is her dress gonna look like?’ To my surprise, she’s wearing her swimsuit still and then the subtitles read, ‘Congrats to the new Miss International 2013. Walk the runway. Enjoy your moment.’

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the swimsuit part. I mean, whenever I’ve watched pageants- and trust me, I watch them almost faithfully- she’s always wearing her evening gown when she’s crowned.

There was another woman at the restaurant waiting for her to-go order as well. I looked at her and said, ‘I’ve never seen them crown a girl in her bikini.’ And the woman replied, ‘I know. And here they put this huge pretty crown on her head while she’s in the swimsuit. It just doesn’t go.’

It just doesn’t go.

I don’t think that this gorgeous girl who was just crowned grew up imagining herself being crowned while wearing a sparkly blue bikini. I don’t think her Mom or Dad did either.

Please hear me out – I’m not using my blog post to call out war on pageants. I’ve even competed in a few myself. And I’m not calling war on bikinis either. What I am trying to say here is a crown on a woman’s head represents dignity, respect, a graceful demeanor and elegance.

A bikini represents, well, let me share with you how Wikipedia describes it:

“A bikini is a women’s two-piece swimsuit designed to provide minimal coverage of the body. One part of the attire covers the breasts and the other part covers the groin and part of or the entire buttocks, leaving an uncovered area between the two.”

I’m sure you can agree that the image and definition of what a bikini represents and what a crown represents don’t go hand-in-hand.

May I crown myself ‘Miss Speaker of the Obvious‘ for a moment and say that the world around us adorns and crowns appearances. The outward is what is highly praised. It’s what wins. A crown is placed on those who can look the best, smile the prettiest and I guess, look stellar in a bikini.

Here’s what God says:

Don’t depend on things like fancy hairdos or gold jewelry or expensive clothes to make you look beautiful. Be beautiful in your heart by being gentle. This kind of beauty will last, and God considers it very special.
1 Peter 3:3,4

Your true beauty comes from your heart, girl. Not how sexy your legs look or how your hair shines, or by your bra size. I mean, we all know that legs only look good for so long till they need shaving again. Hair only shines when the light truly hits it right. And your boobs, well, gravity eventually finds its way.

So why don’t we call war on only rewarding the outward and begin crowning the things about you that truly matter. Your heart. The grace that is hidden deep within. The thoughtful actions you performed for someone in need. The deep waters of love that are waiting to be unleashed. You have what it takes to be Crowned by God.

So while a woman gets a crown wearing a bikini (and as Wikipedia puts it, ‘a swimsuit designed to provide only minimal coverage of the body.) She’s crowned with only minimal coverage for the woman she fully is. God, who is King of all the Universe, crowns you for ALL that you are, INSIDE and OUT.

Let me share with you this scripture that so clearly expresses my personal commitment to you and your crown my dear:

Daughter, I will speak up for your good. I will never be silent till you are safe and secure, sparkling like a flame. Your great victory will be seen by every nation and king; the Lord will even give you a new name. You will be a glorious CROWN, a royal headband for the Lord your God.
Isaiah 62:1-3

God crowns the young woman who loves Him cause she is His daughter and He is her King. When you choose to live your life for Him- body, heart and soul– you win a crown in value that far exceeds one that any pageant could give.

I hope you are encouraged and motivated to value what truly matters. What truly is beautiful. What truly deserves a crown and a walk on the runway of life. You.

A word to mentors:
Whatever gets rewarded, get repeated. Reward, and crown the things about the young girls around you that really matter. Encourage and reward modesty. Not only in dress, but modesty in speech and actions. Yet please still tell her how great she looks in that outfit. How that eyeshadow compliments her complexion. How her laughter is contagious. And at the end of the day, remind her of how much you love her heart.